How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
