lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
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