If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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