If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
