My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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