Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
