oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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