you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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