I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
