just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
