Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
