I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
