I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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