Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I can text with my tongue
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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