Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
