I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
