the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
