Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
