It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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