her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
