its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
