Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
