This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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