a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
