I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
