I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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