I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
