Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
