Plan B is the new Plan A
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
