I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Sorry my hands just texted you
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
