I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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