Don't make out with my wife yet
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
