I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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