i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
