We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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