Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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