i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
