He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
