can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
