Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
