Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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