my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
