Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
