he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
