fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
