I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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