I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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