they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I am naked and annoyed.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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