Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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