i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
birth control should be required to get into college
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
