everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
