Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
